Thanks are in absolute order!


October 8, 2011 – like a Bob Segar song, “I smoked the days last cigarette”.

Somewhere before that, or after that, but certainly right near then… I also concluded that the marijuana had to go. I have spent years saying exactly this “God planted it for me and you”.  I would state with authority that it’s intent was certainly that of the peace pipe – a method for thinking from a deeper part of ourselves – reasoning from an otherwise untapped internal level. I don’t know whether or not any of that is true – only God knows why He put that little seed in the ground and what that plant was intended for. I do know – that phase has passed. (and oh my, the affliction of paranoia that I can’t even begin to explain)

That smoking phase, which previously included little blue Marlboro 72’s, strawberry hookah’s and the mary jane daily – along with the drinking phase, which previously included some wine every night, some vodka every so often, some shots on special occasions, some bars where I’m sure I heard them call out “Norm!” when I walked in and that dag’gum DUI…

…passed! These are no longer my vices for survival – or denial – as was more likely the case.

The junk food madness  – the poor nutrition choices I used to counter the effects of the poor lifestyle choices I made… Passed! White trash is out and brown pride is in (flour, sugar, potatoes vs. brown rice, whole grains, beans & honey). Fresh fruits and veggies have replaced chips and cookies. A Sunday in an apron preparing the weeks hearty, healthy menu is my joy!

Don’t get me wrong – I had a cupcake today, and yum! However, instead of the bar, the nightclub, and my sad and lonely back porch, I’ve been a frequent regular at the gym. Addicted to kickboxing! Balance my beloved… between how much I eat and how much I burn off. There is no reward in leaving the bar at 2am after an entire evening of masked self loathing,  that can compare to leaving the gym after 2 hours of intense self-improvement! Not a squishy size 8 – but a taut size 6 (those jeans say size 4 but I don’t believe them).

It was on October 8, 2011 that I said “God – Help”. I prayed for a church home – and was clearly directed. I am a regular attendee several days a week, an active servant in several areas and a sister in Christ to many. The benefits of having a Church Home are immeasurable and I’ve concluded that I’ll dedicate a whole page to that soon – but in this moment, for this page – I just had to recognize and report on the direct benefit that is deliverance.

No longer a slave to addictions – rather a slave to righteousness!

Praise God!

It should be clear and obvious that I have ALWAYS known and loved God! I didn’t know how to surrender to Him – How to express my love – How to understand Grace – How to live in the Spirit.

I do not care to be high. I do not care to be drunk. I do not care to be the center of the dance floor under the effects of marijuana and alcohol. I do not care to add weight to the couch or dimples to my derriere in some depressed state of loneliness… I do not care to blacken my lungs or funk up my breath. I do not care for the attention of those who do not respect that what I personally do not care for.



I am healthy in body, mind and spirit. I am happy with my physical self inside and out! I have experienced deliverance!

Thank you Father God!


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